Vacation?

Favorite one-liners from Tanner's audible phone log:

Day one: I'm in a loft and it's hotter than mercury soup. No mosquitoes but my insides may well become primoridial goo. No love for prisoners of war, friend.

Day two: I'm in a tent. Comfortable but we'll see how it goes.

Day three: Someone left the tent open. Mosquitoes imminent. Survival? Chancey.

Day four: I feel as if I've been microwaved.

Day five: Blood sucking mosquitoes everywhere. Hope to survive until I receive morning rations.

Day six: Another night in a primitive shelter. I stare at the trees of the forest and think, "How would I split them?"

Day seven: Rain, rain and more rain. Feet are shriveled like prunes. Feet will smell like a wet dog.

Day eight: Animals howling! Did not know I needed a shower that bad!

Day nine: Save, save indeed. Comfort Suites will you save us? Need to poo like a panda who ate too much  bamboo. Please, Comfort Suites, put a warm towel on my nostrils...Texas or bust - no busting allowed.